Life

I am having a yucky morning. I was kept up last night for pretty much nothing, then the two youngest decided to be needy at 6:00 am. I usually wake up at 7:00 and because I was especially tired from going to bed so late, I was really looking forward to that last hour of sleep. I did stay in bed, but sleep was non-existent. I love my babies, but I sure feel better when I get the sleep I am expecting.

Expectation is an interesting thing. When it is not met, it seems to make things harder to manage. But, if the expectation is not there at all, where does that get you? You don't have to deal too much with disappointments. But, you aren't pushed to do more either. If I don't expect much out of my kids, I won't be too disappointed. But, I won't feel the joy of their accomplishment either. So, I expect certain things, and it makes me terribly cranky when some of those expectations go unmet.

I wish my expectations were more in line with the Lord's will for me and my family though. If I were more in tune with that, then I think I would be less inclined to be bothered by my own petty expectations being unmet, and see the results for what they really mean. Perhaps my kids waking up early was a way to help me to actually get up and read scriptures before the kids get up like I claim I wish I did. My choice to sleep in therefore is the actual expectation unmet. So, in reality, I caused my own dissatisfaction this morning by not heeding the idea that getting woken up early was actually a good thing.

food for thought - as my baby nurses at the keyboard (nak) with me this morning.

On a different note, I do love nursing my babies. I have nursed for a long time now. Pretty much non-stop since 1999. I think during that time, I have had about 7.5 months worth of a break. I have nursed through my last 2 pregnancies entirely, and have tandem nursed between 3 children for the past 3.5 years. There are times I feel so touched-out, that I don't feel I have any of me left to share. I relish in the few showers I do get to take alone. That time is as precious to me as the time I get to share with my children while they are small.

Hug your babies...